You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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