i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
