I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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