I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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