Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
