i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
we should paint friendship bongs
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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