she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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