put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
