I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
