It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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