Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize