I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
