and she was petting her beer can
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize