just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
