I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
