i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize