They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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