Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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