I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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