Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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