Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
