So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
