i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
how drunk are you?
Several
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
