Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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