Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize