this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
