theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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