so explain again why im purple
no
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's blow job season.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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