New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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