you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
