Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Randomize
