oh god the rape fog is back!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
