: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
