she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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