Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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