No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
