a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
