Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize