I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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