It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am mentally ready for anal.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
