I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
