ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
