Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
