I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
