remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
me + whiskey = a bad person
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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