I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
