You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
