At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
