franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
