Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
