Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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