Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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