Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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