I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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