My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize