my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
