I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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