I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
please come you make the beer taste better
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
