Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize