If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
