i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
