addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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