ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
