I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
