FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
