your parents love me but you hate me
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
