you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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