You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
