Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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