I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my being single is dangerous.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
