I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
